This week on twitter I posted: Do your very best but surrender the outcome. This was a reminder to me but also I thought someone else could use this wisdom. Motherhood is one big exercise in surrendering. I have never considered myself an “A type” personality but I do have controlling tendencies. I have taught myself to appreciate routine and structure. An organized life keeps me out of trouble. Becoming a mother has turned my schedule into King’s schedule. He is the center of my day and I plan around him. Not only do I have to plan around him, I have to consider my mother’s schedule who is our live-in daycare provider; I also have to consider what Papa bear is doing. This is a new art for me. I am an only child and I have been living on my own for many years. Plan as I may, a monkey wrench is typically thrown at me.
Long gone are the days of my dismissive attitude. My motto that stated “get down or lay down” has been retired. In my new life called motherhood, I have control over very little. I had a detailed birth plan and my birth story ended up being the polar opposite of said plan. Daily I plan to work out and write. Those things may or may not happen depending on who can watch my sun*. We are currently sleep training and both Papa bear and I keep delaying progress by deviating from the plan. This life could cause stress or even depression but I refuse to fall victim to those outcomes. Choosing sanity means choosing to surrender.
I had to surrender to the fact that I was not going to have a vaginal birth. I have to surrender daily to the notion that I am the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life. I know that it is ok and I will not be fat forever. In the meantime I am able to produce sustenance for my child and hopefully nurse him for the first year of his life. I am grateful that I have a family, considering them is not a burden but a blessing. Some days are easier than others but like anything else you must practice the art of surrendering. When I become overwhelmed and the tears well up, I remember what Oprah Winfrey said in her master class.
Oprah told the story about how much she wanted to have a role in The Color Purple. She did everything in her power to assist the universe in conspiring to give her what she wanted. When it looked as though she would not land the part, she started singing to herself “I Surrender All”.
And the rest is black history. Ms. Sophia’s lines are quoted globally. Surrendering worked out for her. If it worked for Oprah surely you and I should give it a try.
*Disclaimer: I use the homonym sun instead of son on purpose. King is the center of my world, he lights it up and I rise every day because of him. This is not a typo.
Thanks for stopping by!
~A King’s Ma