Ten Ways to Stop Being A B*@#H!

It is the New Year and everyone is armed with their resolutions. Good luck with that, I hope it sticks this time. If you are new here, my name is Thembi aka A King’s Ma and I am the mother of a 1-year-old sun named King. He makes me want to be a better person. (Cue As Good As It Gets) I’ve done a lot a work on myself. I have dredged through getting to a healthy place in regards to my self-esteem and worthiness. But there are other areas of opportunities that require examination and shifting. While I’m on this journey, I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned, what works and what does not. So instead of boring you with a list a resolutions that will never come to fruition, I offer you tips on b&@#h exorcism.


  1. Smile. Sounds easy right? Well my “regular” face is perceived by many as “stank”. I can be minding my own business, tending to the people in my head and the people in the world think I am angry. I am not but their perception is their reality. I had to practice in the mirror. I meditate smiling so my face can get use resting in that position. Trust me, a smile disarms people and makes things easier.
  2. Do something nice for a person who provides a service for you. I live for my eyebrow threader. I come close to tears and an adult tantrum when she goes home to India. And when she goes she stays for two to three months. Grrr!  Jeet is fabulous. She is so kind and patient. I always have plenty of directions when it comes to the shape of my eyebrows. She always tries to give me what I ask for. Jeet is a Sikh and probably doesn’t celebrate Christmas. However, I did bring her an aloe plant for the holidays. I love aloe plants and I love Jeet, it seemed fitting. I did something a little extra so she knows I appreciate her. She was gracious and very surprised. Now you try it.
  3. Quit watching Ratchet T.V.! Release the tight grip around your pearls and continue reading. My greatest commodity is my time. Now that I am a mother I treasure my personal time. Television takes up a lot of time. I understand the need to relax and decompress after a long day but I’m sure there are more constructive ways to do this than watching reality TV. Most of the women on these shows are poor representations of the feminine. And instead of watching someone else live their dreams and get paid for it; spend that time working on yours. I too rationalize the ratchetness as entertainment but I’m sure some of that is seeping into my subconscious. If you don’t want to be a b%$#h quit watching them on TV. I have not kicked the habit completely but I am cutting back.
  4. Let someone in your lane while in traffic. Send the person that just cut you off blessings instead of the bird. If you ever want to evaluate where you are spiritually, check yourself in rush hour traffic. It will reveal a lot!
  5. Give money to the people on the street begging for it. It is not our business what they use it for. This exercise is more about the intent in which the money is given.
  6. Call the family member you said you were going to call last year, last week, and last night. If you love someone one let them know, reach out to them. Do it today, tomorrow isn’t promised.
  7. Be nice to the lady/man on your job who makes it their life’s business to get on your nerves. At my day job there is a woman who I tried to be friends with because I thought we had a lot in common. She throws me tons of shade and only speaks to me if I speak to her first. The old me could have won the you don’t exist contest but the new me doesn’t play games. I continue to speak and continue to be polite since we have to coexist in the work place. You will encounter challenging people all the time. BEEEEEEP. This is only a test. Act accordingly.
  8. Exercise. I don’t care what it is, get your body moving. Exercise releases endorphins, which is the body’s natural happy juice. Exercise is also a constructive way to release aggression. Instead of cursing out your unsuspecting mate; demolish that tread mill. The tread mill has no feelings; your man does. You can walk away from the gym with your relationship intact and a few pounds lighter. And losing weight always puts me in a good mood.
  9. Give compliments. Give them freely and be sincere. I notice shoes and hair immediately. If there is something I like, you will know. Feel free to do the same with me. The mom shoe game is different but still hot! Peep my new functional fancy style.
  10. Send hand written thank you cards. If someone looked out for you in a way they didn’t have to, thank them, promptly. I recommend having a stock pile of blank thank you notes. Send them within 48 hours. This actually might be a standard of etiquette you teach your children. People will appreciate the gesture. When was the last time you received a hand written note.


Happy New Year folks! Plant seeds of prosperity and try not to be a B*&@H!


~A King’s Ma


3 thoughts on “Ten Ways to Stop Being A B*@#H!

  1. Love that you mention hand-written thank you notes! I was taught to do this and will teach my daughter the same. Happy New Year! I will be giving more smiles and less stank face as well. 🙂

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