10 Ways Becoming A Mother Has Made Me Lame

I am that late a$$ check again. I’m just here living my life and doing things like getting married. I will be on time for the 15th, I promise!

 

  1. My shoe game has changed dramatically. A closet that was once filled with pumps/stilettos/heels, are now filled with flats. Cute flats but still flats. Practicality and comfort are now considered when purchasing a shoe. Is it stylish, is it sexy were once the only factors considered when selecting foot wear. Now I have to consider, can I easily run after a toddler in these? If the answer is no, they usually don’t make the cut. Don’t be mistaken I still rock cute shoes but I’m not balancing in the air to show them off. Maybe I will become a sneaker head. That might be difficult though because I only like Chuck’s and Adidas. Air Jordan who? All is not lost. On date nights with my husband I will balance in the air because if I’m do it right, he will be chasing me.

 

  1. I never ever want to “TURN UP”. I’m interested in the nearest, quietest, most comfy nap spot. Do you know where they are? True story, my birthday will be here soon and all I want to do is stay in a fancy hotel, sleep and read books. I have no interest in throwing back drinks or dancing on tables listening to loud music. I want to turn all the way down, preferably some sheets.

 

  1. For the last 7 years I have had long hair. I always seem to cut it when I’m going through a transition. When I left the tide-water area, where I lived for 13 years I cut my hair into a close cease. I wore my hair natural for a year and then got a relaxer. It had been shoulder length since then. When I found out I was pregnant I had my last relaxer. Transitioning from relaxed to natural hair was difficult for me. Papa bear nor my child understood why it took hours to detangle, deep condition and style. I always ended up feeling guilty about the amount of time I spent in the bathroom. So I cut my hair. I think my cut it FRESH and makes me look younger. The maintenance time has been cut in half and I always have a hairstyle. So I can no longer swing my hair in a huff. Instead I pat my fro’ and tilt my hips in an exaggerated motion. Does this make me lame?

 

  1. I cannot listen to hip hop around my sun. With a few exceptions, most of what I like has some type of profanity in it; even the super righteous “conscious” rap. Biggie, KRS-1 and Nas are reserved for my alone time in the car or when I’m cooking and no one is home. I have no idea what is playing on the radio even though Papa Bear thinks I’m a closet fan of 2 Chains. Don’t believe him! Even my dancehall has been censored. It’s totally roots these days. King is very familiar with Bob. Sometimes though I want to do it for the ratchets, a little Yeezus on the way to daycare would certainly get my mind right. But alas, I’m a lame.

 

  1. I have retired my super large ghetto fabulous silver hoop earrings. I’ve been rocking some version of these since college. Since I’ve cut all my hair off I really want to wear them. However, danger is around the corner. My sun inspects me to see if there is something he can rip from my ear. He is quick too. Protect ya neck, or your ears, he shows no mercy!

 

  1. My last vacation was over two years ago. Now that I am a parent everything takes precedent over having some down town. My coins are now being saved for things like a new home, a college fund and emergency funds. I will be totally transparent. I never had an emergency fund until I had a child. Life happens but when you are responsible for another human being it is important to create a cushion for their bottom. I’m tough and I can withstand the concrete. I would love to leave the country but at this time it is not practical. Practical is such a lame word.

 

  1. Everything must be scheduled. Spontaneity is a thing of the past. I used to love living my life with no plan. I am creative and impulsive naturally. But now I am no longer responsible for just myself. I have an entire family to think about. I have to remember doctor appointments, daycare schedules, work responsibilities and things that need to be done around the home. Thank God for an iPhone with all its bells and whistles. I would be lost without it. Spontaneity still shows up ever so often. She however has become very demure and the most we do together is get off work early a sneak in a chick flick.

 

  1. I cannot keep up with technology. I do not have the time to explore the internet or peruse the Apple store. A student had to explain to me what Kik was. Then I googled it. Mac’s intimidate me although I hear they are better when it comes to making videos. I don’t use goggle chrome or Mozilla Firefox. I have about 12 twitter friends. I would like more. Here is a shameless plug. Follow me @a_kings_ma.

 

  1. I cannot drink. I was never a drinking giant like my cousin who can drink corn liquor and brown juice in the same night and not become sick. But at least I could have more than two. Post baby, my limit is two glasses of wine. Curtains.
  2. I like to two-step. I like to step in general. Slow dragging is my absolute favorite. Nobody really does that anymore. Salsa or merengue, anyone? I’m not interested in sweating out my clothes in public or having drinks spilled on me doing some inappropriate dance move. I could probably win a twerk contest but I would be in traction tomorrow. Plus the dominant culture has started twerking. And you know when they get a hold of something it becomes, well you know …… lame.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Prayer Warrior aka A Mom

Greetings readers! I totally missed my March 15th blog post. If I were a check, you would be pissed. This thing called life can sometimes get in the way. I am committed to doing a better job! Please forgive me. Now on to my latest offering….

A person’s spiritual walk is highly personal. I respect that. Most religions do recognize some form of prayer. If you are a mother, please get familiar. Sometimes that is the only power you have. King has had a few colds but way fewer than the doctor claims to be the average/norm. In the beginning, every time he had “something” that lasted more than 2 days I would take him to the pediatrician. The doctor would happily take my 20 dollar co-pay and tell me there was nothing he could do. Papa Bear would laugh at Yeye and I; calling us money trees. “You must like to give away money” he said.

I would debate the doctor each time and take my sniffling baby home. After a while google and my mid-wife friends became my doctor. Hyland’s homeopathic products and Babyganics are my remedies of choice. Still there are times when nothing works, your baby is miserable and you feel helpless. But you are not helpless. There is a free antidote called prayer and nobody has to instruct you on what to do. It simply comes from your heart, gut and brain.

King is a rambunctious 15 month old. Watching him makes me tired but when he doesn’t feel well I miss the energizer bunny. Oddly enough when I put my hand on his head and start to pray out loud, he sits still and allows me to. Sometimes my prayer can last 5 minutes and that is an eternity for a toddler. He sits and watches me wide eyed as I pray for each part of his body and his overall wellbeing. As soon as I say Amen his is off to the races again.

Recently, my sun got a respiratory virus. His breathing, especially at night was labored and he was forced to breathe through his mouth. This made sleepy nearly impossible since he is a thumb sucker. Even the cynical Papa Bear felt some kind of way; tapping me in the early morning, “Uh, you need to go ahead and make that appointment”.

So I did. They administered some albuterol, which did nothing for him. They prescribed a saline treatment (which you can purchased over the counter) for him and told us we had to wait it out. Oh and by the way, this virus can last up to 2 weeks. I had to pray right then and there not to slap the dog piss out of the on call doctor that favored Mr. Rogers. He wasn’t getting rid of me that fast. He had to quote research to me, show me how well King was oxygenated on a machine and repeat himself several times before I left his office.

King is on the upswing no thanks to Mr. Rogers. The body is a miraculous thing. It is designed to heal itself. Mothers are designed to protect their cubs. You and I must always remember when we do not know what else to do, we can always pray. It’s free and you feel empowered.